Secrets
by sheisamelody
Summary: Nothing was going to erase what they had done; no amount of tears, no amount of apologies... nothing.
1. Guilt

**Secrets**

–

**Summary: **Nothing was going to erase what they had done; no amount of tears, no amount of apologies... nothing.  
**A/N: **Disappointed with the ending of the first episode, I know that any other fics I may write for _Wentworth _will include Meg! So this is my take on what might happen if she told Will about her affair with Fletch. :)  
**Rated: **T – for some coarse language, general adult themes (mention of abortion etc.) and drug use (in future chapter/s).

–

**Chapter 1 – _Guilt_**

–

The warm water running down Meg's body did nothing to wash away the horror she was feeling; how disgustingly dirty she was feeling. What on earth had she done? She was happy with Will, happy with her life with him. In _love_ with him. What would compel her to sleep with another man? And not just any man either, Matthew Fletcher was Will's best friend.

She stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself. One look in the mirror said it all. Written all over her face was the shame, the guilt.

"Oh shit..." Meg whispered to herself, as tears began to fall from her eyes. Nothing was going to erase what they had done; no amount of tears, no amount of apologies... _nothing_.

–

"How about we make a baby tonight?" Will's voice was quiet, sexy. His warm breath on her face gave her goosebumps.

Meg smiled at him, saying quietly, "I like your thinking."

"Hmm," he kissed her lips. When he pulled away though, he noticed the scared, worried look on her face. "Are you okay? Meg, I thought you wanted this. I thought you wanted to have a baby."

"Oh I do, of course I do!" she replied quickly, so not to arouse suspicion of her shame. "I just... why hasn't it happened yet? What are we doing wrong?"

He pulled her into his arms gently, "Nothing sweetheart. Sometimes it takes a bit of time and patience, that's all. It will happen."

–

Working with Matthew after their 'three night stand' was awkward. She was sure he wanted more from her, she could tell from the look in his eyes. But it was something she couldn't give him. She didn't even understand how it could happen once, let alone three times.

Matt brought back the raw memories of their affair when he confronted her about it in her office, early one morning. He exposed her vulnerability, and as if his eyes were x-rays, she suddenly felt like she was standing naked in front of him, shivering in the cold.

"Can we not talk about this?" Meg finally said as she sat down. "I can't -"

"It's not going to go away, you know," he told her, eyes slit. "You can't avoid it forever Meg."

She stared at him. There was an uneasiness about him that made him somewhat attractive, yet somehow frightening at the same time. "I think you should leave," she replied firmly, after managing to compose herself.

Matt made his way to the door before he turned around, and looked at Meg for the longest half a second. Smugly, he then said, "You know you want it."

"Fuck off."

–

He was right about one thing, it didn't go away. The guilt only got worse as time went by. Finding out she was pregnant a few weeks later was perhaps the biggest shock of it all, however. What should have been a happy, exciting time in Meg's life, became the most anxious, as she was waiting for the results of a DNA test.

_Please be Will's baby, please be Will's baby..._

She repeated over and over in her head.

"So, Meg... we have the results of the paternity test," she was told. The next few words changed her life in an instant. Meg was sure she stopped breathing for at least a minute. The doctor's voice became distant, a murmur in her head, and she closed her eyes, wishing it all away. "Meg?" she heard her name called out, "Are you okay?"

She snapped out of her trance like state, opening her eyes quickly. Her heart was thumping hard in her chest. "Yeah... yep. Fine."

"If you like, I can organise someone for you to talk to," the woman's voice was calm and soft, sympathetic almost.

_I would rather die_.

"Ah... no, it's okay. Thanks," Meg stood up and left. Her legs felt like jelly as she walked out of the clinic. When she was sitting in her car, she hit the steering wheel with the palm of her hands out of frustration and anger. "Fuck you, Matthew."

–

At work the following day, Meg called Matt into her office. He shut the door. "Changed your mind, have ya?"

"One more cocky bloody comment from you, and I'll -"

He stepped a little closer to her, trying to use his mystery, his intrigue, to his own advantage. In a whisper, he asked, "You'll what?"

Meg cleared her throat. "Can you just take a seat... please? This is serious," she stepped away from him, resisting his unspoken challenge. Once he was finally seated, she took a deep breath in, "I'm pregnant..."

Matt sat completely still, his face unchanged. "Huh?" he eventually said with a frown. Meg didn't answer him, she couldn't, she had no idea what to say. He continued, "I suppose you're telling me this because I'm..."

She nodded, her eyes were closed. She felt sick.

"Does Will know?"

"God no!" Meg answered, opening her eyes and running anxious fingers through her hair. Close to tears, she then said, "This is just so fucked up, Matt. I don't know what to do."

Matt was shocked by the news, but he could also see how worked up Meg was about it. "Well, let's look at the options," he spoke maturely, much to Meg's surprise. She raised her eyebrows at him. "It's my baby too, don't you think I should have a say in this as well?"

Meg remained silent, letting him speak.

"Okay. Option one – tell Will the truth about what happened between us. Option two – abortion. Option three..." a pause, "Well, I don't think there is a third option."

–

Meg couldn't deny that the thought of terminating the pregnancy had not entered her mind. It was something she had been thinking about from the moment she found out the baby was Matthew's. She didn't know whether she could find the courage to tell Will the truth about the affair and about the baby. But getting rid of the baby also required a large amount of courage.

She sighed, going through the ramifications over and over again in her head. If she told Will, she was quite certain that he would never forgive her _or_ Matthew for that matter. Their marriage would more than likely end. If she decided to have an abortion, she would have to live with it for the rest of her life, and the possibility that she may never get the chance to have another baby again.

Meg's thoughts began to upset her. When the tears began to fall on to her cheeks, she quickly wiped them away, but the evidence was still there in her eyes. In that moment, Will arrived home from work and immediately sensed her distress. "Meg?" he walked over to her, seeing her bloodshot eyes, "Oh shit, honey... what's wrong?"

She sniffed, "There's something I... something I have to tell you."

He sat down next to her, taking her hand. "Oh? Okay."

Meg looked down at his hand resting on top of hers. "You might not want to touch me when I tell you." She watched as Will reluctantly pulled his hand away.

This was it; the moment of truth had arrived. Meg took a deep breath in and then back out again. "I... I slept with Matt..."

The look on Will's face turned from sympathetic to confused. "What? Matt? As in..." he stammered. Then, it appeared to hit him, "You did _WHAT_?"

Melt felt the tears forming in her eyes again. She was so ashamed. "We slept together... Will, I am _so_ sorry."

He hardened, his voice turned cold. "How the _fuck_ could you do something like that, Meg?"

The tears fell uncontrollably. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry," Meg repeated. She was still clueless as to what would possess her to sleep with someone else, the thought had been torturing her ever since it happened.

Will stared at her. His breathing had become more rapid as the anger inside him continued to build. Instead of yelling at Meg, as he felt as though he probably should have been, he got up and stomped, like a sulking teenager, to the bedroom and slammed the door behind him.

–


	2. Pain

**Secrets**

* * *

**Chapter 2 - _Pain_**

–

Meg flinched at the sound of the slamming door. For the first time in the relationship and marriage, she felt scared. Scared of what Will was going to say or do next. She started second guessing her decision to tell him, wondering if it would have been easier to terminate the pregnancy and forget the affair with Matthew ever happened. But the guilt would still be there, eating away at her until there was nothing left.

Her thoughts stopped suddenly as her attention turned to Will again.

Was it selfish of her to tell him? Did she not think about what it would do to him?

Meg let out a heavy sigh. She wanted to go and talk to him, but she didn't know what to say. There was probably nothing she _could _say that would make him feel better; nothing that would take away his pain. Instead, her eyes were drawn to her mobile phone sitting on the coffee table. She leaned over and picked it up, hesitating slightly, before she sent a text message to Matt.

Three simple words: I told Will.

Within about ten seconds or so, her phone was ringing, vibrating noisily on the hard wooden table. Meg didn't even have to look at who was calling when she picked it up. "Matthew..." she answered quietly.

"I'm coming over," his voice echoed.

"You called me to say _that_?"

"I'm coming..." she heard him groan out of frustration, "I'll be there soon, okay?"

He hung up.

–

A soft knock on the front door startled Meg from her horrifying and depressing thoughts. Upon opening the door, she saw Matt standing in front of her, his eyebrows raised. Meg stepped to one side, quietly saying, "Come in."

Inside the dark and cool house, Matt sat down in the living room. He looked up at her, "Why'd you tell him?" there was no anger, or agitation in Matt's voice; he was curious more than anything.

"Guilty conscience? I don't know," she shrugged, unenthusiastically.

"What about the baby? Did you... tell him about that?" Matt said in a whisper, and she shook her head in reply. "I assume Will doesn't know I'm here either?" he then asked after a short pause.

Meg glanced towards the closed bedroom door, he followed the direction of her eyes. "No. He's in there..."

Matt stared at the door for a while, thinking about what to do. He then looked back at Meg when he said, "Maybe I should go and talk to him?"

"Yeah. Good luck with that," Meg scoffed sarcastically, beginning to feel angry with herself for not thinking of how Will was going to feel, knowing about the affair. She made sure she was looking down at her hands when the tears began to fall for the umpteenth time.

He frowned, hearing the sarcasm in her voice, "Are you okay?"

"Just..." there was a pause. She was almost ready to give up, "Go talk to him."

–

After knocking a few times on the bedroom door and calling out Will's name, Matt walked inside, despite not hearing any response. The first thing his eyes were drawn to was Will sitting down on the bed with a glass coaster in one hand, and a rolled up ten dollar note in the other. Matt's eyes widened at the sight of him doing drugs. He closed the door quietly, "Will! What the fuck are you doing?" he asked through gritted teeth.

Nonchalantly, Will looked over at him and made no effort to reply.

"Jesus! If Meg saw you doing that, she'd -"

"She'd _what_, Matthew?" when he finally spoke, there was no warmth in his voice. "Do you really think I give a shit what Meg, or you for that matter, thinks? No, I don't." Will sniffed in the white powdery substance off the coaster.

Matt sat down on the edge of the bed and sighed. "Don't throw away all of your hard work to stay off this crap because of... some stupid, fucked up mistake that Meg and I made... _please_. Don't."

Will rolled his eyes. He continued to form the cocaine into neat lines with a bank card. "You wanna know something? There is absolutely nothing_... nothing _you can say to me that will make up for this, and to be honest, I have no idea why you're even here, Fletch. Oh wait, hang on, let me guess. Meg called you?"

"Not exactly," he shook his head. There was a slight pause before he said, "Look, if you want someone to be mad at, Will... it's me you should be mad at, okay? Not Meg. She _loves _you."

"Love? Is that what you call being married to someone, yet sleeping with someone else at the same time?" Will asked, not expecting him to answer. "That's not love. That's called bullshit."

"What happened between Meg and I... it just... _happened_. She didn't expect it, I didn't expect it," Matt tried his hardest to explain, but found there was no real explanation for what they did; no logical explanation.

Will glanced at him, watching as he clearly struggled to find the right words to say. For the shortest of seconds, he actually felt sorry for him. "Do you have feelings for her or...? Is that why you did it?"

Matt let out a soft sigh. The truthful answer to that question hurt him, he didn't want to feel the way he did about Meg. His feelings for her were like a light switch, although he had no control over when those feelings were on or off. He hated himself for how he felt, and in a way, he hated Meg for it too.

Will nodded slowly as he began to understand his silence. Although angry and hurt, he asked, "Why didn't you just _tell_ me?"

"What? That I'm attracted to your wife? I don't think it would have been that simple."

"It would have been more simple than sleeping with her, don't you think?" Will asked, his voice slightly strained.

"In hindsight."

–

The following day, Meg woke up on the couch. The house was quiet, and still dark. She sat up, rubbed her tired, sore eyes and looked across at the time: 06:54. The bedroom door was slightly ajar, and Meg felt an urge to check on Will. She pushed the door open and saw him lying on top of the quilt, fast asleep, snoring ever so softly.

Meg couldn't help but smile at him as she sat down, he looked peaceful. The movement of the bed caused Will to stir, and she watched as his eyes opened. He squinted at her for a few seconds, as if trying to work out who she was. "Meg?"

"Hey..." she said quietly, putting a soft, warm hand on top of his. "I, ah... are you okay? You seem..." Meg looked at the bedside table and saw the coaster, with a small amount of cocaine still visible on it. She felt her stomach drop to the floor and her selfishness rise to the surface. She didn't even think about the possibility that he could turn to drugs again. "Oh, Will..."

He glanced over at what she was looking at and shrugged.

"I am so sorry..._ so _sorry," Meg rocked back and forth slightly in her sitting position. She took her hand off of Will's, and covered her face.

Will frowned at her. Despite all of the anger that he was feeling, he could also sense Meg's pain. In some ways, like Matthew, he felt sorry for her but he didn't want to show it. He _deserved _to be angry at them both. But looking at her at that moment, seeing how sorrowful she was, made Will realise that despite what was happening and despite the pain in his heart, he still loved her.

–


	3. Broken

**Secrets**

* * *

**A/N: **Some inspiration in the first scene of this chapter came from the movie _Juno_.

–

**Chapter 3 – _Broken_**

**–**

The clinic was filled with women, seemingly from all walks of life, and all stages of pregnancy. Meg walked tentatively to the counter. "Been here before, love?" she was asked by an irritating voice, before she even got the chance to open her mouth.

"Ahh... no."

"Fill this out and bring it back here," the woman behind the desk pushed forward a clipboard with a form and pen attached to it. "Oh and here, take one of these," she passed Meg a red-coloured condom, thankfully in its packaging.

With a simple frown, Meg didn't say anything as she took the form, along with the condom, and sat down on one of the chairs. She glanced from side to side; women were scattered in various seats all over the waiting room, sitting impatiently and restlessly. Meg looked down at the form on her lap, crossed her legs, and took a deep but shaky breath in.

"Jodi Camden?" a name was called out moments later, causing Meg and most of the other women to look up, curiously. Meg watched as a woman, who unlike her, had a noticeable 'baby bump', got up and walked into a room. The door was shut behind her and silence returned to the waiting room. Meg began to rethink what she was doing there in the first place, but it wasn't until the woman emerged from the room, yelling dramatically "I'm free! I'm free!", that her mind was made up. She couldn't do it; she couldn't get rid of her baby.

Meg got up off the chair, put the form and condom back on the counter, not saying a single word to the receptionist as she did so. Outside, her slow, jittery walk turned into a run and by the time Meg got to her car, she was breathing heavily.

–

Arriving at work, Meg quickly went to the change room where she put on her uniform in an effort to hide how she was feeling. The uniform gave her confidence and meaning, something she was currently lacking in her private life. Matt glanced at her from his position in front of his own locker; he could tell something was troubling her but didn't say a word.

Meg then walked briskly to her office and sat down at the desk, trying to focus on work. Unknown to her, Matt was following closely behind. He knocked on the closed door, waiting until he heard her response before he entered. "Are you okay?" he asked as he shut the door, clearly concerned by her behaviour.

Meg wanted to fob him off, to tell him she was fine and get him out of the office as quickly as she could, but eventually, her emotions got the better of her and tears swelled in her eyes. She was broken. "I couldn't bloody do it..."

"Couldn't do what?"

As she opened her mouth to reply, there was a knock on the door. "Come in," Meg eventually said, ignoring the fixed stare from Matt as she made sure the tears in her eyes had dried up. Derek Channing, ever so pompous and self-righteous, entered the office. Meg could smell his arrogance. He immediately saw Matt sitting down, and quickly said, "I'd like a moment with Meg, thanks Fletch."

"So Meg..." he then began, once Matt had left the room and shut the door. "I have been talking to a couple of the _bosses_. They feel as though it might be time for -"

Meg tried to put her horrible mood to one side, but couldn't hide it, "You don't want a woman running this prison, do you? I knew it. You're getting rid of me," she said aggressively.

Derek raised his eyebrows, somewhat surprised by her short-tempered aggression. However, he decided to be honest with her. "Look, Meg, you've been a great governor over the past two years. We just think that it might be time for a change."

"Yeah, a _man _change."

He shook his head. "No, no, that's not what this is about. I don't want... I don't want a _pregnant _governor running Wentworth. It's just too risky. Surely you can understand that?"

Meg felt her entire body freeze at what Derek was saying; 'pregnant governor', how the hell did he know? "_What?!_" she exclaimed when she could finally react. "What... what the hell are you talking about?"

"I may have overheard something between you and Will in the staff room a few weeks ago," Derek seemed rather sheepish about it; he was blushing, almost. "But, either way -"

"_Either way_, you can't fire me just because you think there's some possibility that I may end up pregnant... in the future," Meg made sure she was firm with him. It was the only way she knew how to handle moronic men like Channing.

–

After the spirit crushing talk with Derek, Meg dragged herself halfheartedly to the staff room. Matt wasn't at all surprised by her sullen look, but Vera couldn't help but ask if everything was okay. "Yeah, fine, thanks Vera," Meg grumbled in reply as she took her lunch out of the fridge and sat down at the table, opposite Matt. She wasn't overly hungry, but she knew she had to eat something.

Vera and Matt shared a quick glance as Vera left the room, having finished her lunch break. Knowing that they were now alone, Matt asked Meg the question that had been bugging him for more than half an hour. "So, what couldn't you do?" he leaned forward slightly and clasped his hands together, ready to hear what she had to say.

Meg looked over at him, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Huh?"

"Before Channing came into your office, you told me you couldn't do it. You couldn't do what?"

"Oh..." Meg's voice trailed off. "Yeah... that."

"Well?" Matt asked impatiently.

She sighed as she played with her food with a fork. "Can we not talk about it in here?"

–

With only ten minutes to go before the end of her shift, Meg ushered Matt into her office to finally tell him what was going on. He sat down, glaring at her as she walked around to her own seat. She sighed as she said, "I couldn't... have an abortion."

Silence.

Matt eventually raised a stiff eyebrow. "What? You went to..." he paused, "And you didn't tell me?"

"_You're_ the one who said it was an option. Don't act so surprised," Meg told him abruptly, feeling upset and sick at the same time. "Anyway, I couldn't do it, so what does it matter?"

"_Okay_. What happened? What changed your mind?"

Meg sat still as she thought about the question. She wasn't really sure if it was just the one thing that made her change her mind, or a number of things. "I don't know. It was... well, there was a woman at the clinic and she _looked _pregnant and she got called into a room... when she came out, she yelled out 'I'm free, I'm free'... and..." Meg's voice became emotional as she thought back to what happened, "And she looked less... pregnant."

Matt looked at her sympathetically as he let her continue.

"Watching that woman _and_ her reaction... I just couldn't do it. You know?" she sniffed. "This baby is the result of a really stupid mistake. _Our _really stupid mistake. It's not at fault here, we are."

While he understood what she meant, and respected her decision, he couldn't help but wonder about the other third of the equation. "And Will?" he said softly, "We'd _have_ to tell him, I mean, he will know as soon as the baby is born that it's not his. That'd be pretty fucking obvious."

Meg looked like she was about to burst into tears when she said, "Maybe I'll just punch myself really hard in the uterus several times... or lift something heavy..." Even though there was sarcasm and annoyance riddled through her voice, those options suddenly became plausible.

Matt simply snorted and rolled his eyes as he said, "Don't be ridiculous." He then paused, in thought, scratching his temple, "How accurate are those paternity tests anyway?"

–


End file.
